Shepherd's Pie

Dear Ashley,

I am a teenager who is trying to stay pure but I often wonder what it is like to date, kiss, be held by some one, or have sex. I want to save my self for marriage but I feel bad wondering and don't want to go to my parents about this because they will give me a few hours long lecture and then I will feel worse. So I was hoping that you could help because I'm just so confused and worried that I will wind up doing something I will regret. I want to be a godly woman and stay pure but its hard so any advice would be helpful. Thank you for helping me and for answering the other questions I've posted.

Sincerely,
Confused and worried

Dear Confuse,

May I begin by assuring you that you're perfectly normal?

One of the most earth-shattering revelations I've had concerning sexuality is the realization that it is NOT sinful. God made us sexual creatures; it says so right in Genesis: "male and female He created them." That means your hormones, curious thoughts, desires, all of that is not only okay, it's been given to you by God! Don't be ashamed of it; instead, learn its proper place in life.

Now, God did place sanctions on us in this matter, as you already know. Your striving to be pure is admirable; keep this up! No matter how strong the temptations become, keep reminding yourself that God wants you to stay pure. Furthermore, He will give you the strength to resist. Scripture says over and over that through His strength, given to us by grace, we can overcome anything. Jesus said, "do not fear the world, for I have overcome the world." Paul wrote "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" and "we walk by the spirit." I would say the first thing to do is to pray (everyday if necessary!) and ask God to help you. The Bible says the Lord delights in the prayers of His people and inhabits their praise--our God loves to help us! He is our Heavenly Father who loves us and wants to help us, so don't be afraid to ask! Be confident in His grace; will not He who saved you "finish a good work in you"? Have faith that He can help you get through this and preserve you!

Secondly, be aware the consequences of misbehaving. For me, the idea that I would have to explain to my husband I couldn't wait for him and I gave away that which is most precious to me (my virginity) is more than I can bear. I can only imagine the hurt, the disappointment that would be there; that is much stronger than any of my desires for sexual fulfillment.

I will also be very personal with you here. Though I am a virgin, I have still done things sexually that I wish I hadn't. The joy is brief, and the guilt is long. Even knowing I am a Christian and already forgiven by Christ's redeeming blood didn't ease it. Plus there was the horror that the one I shared that part of myself with might leave me because of it. It becomes harder and harder to resist temptation when you give it, and there is a great deal of shame involved. All in all, this is a complicated and painful path you do NOT want to walk down. It simply isn't worth it, and if I can feel that much loss and shame over this, I can only imagine what it would be like to lose my whole self to someone.

I would also tell you to realize the glamor Hollywood pours over sexuality. Books, TV, movies, games, music...everywhere you look, you see teens and young people freely enjoying each other in every imaginable way possible with little if any repercussions. That's not real life. In real life, there is pain, guilt, hurt, jealousy, diseases, pregnancies...sex is a very powerful force in human relationships. I believe that is why God reserved it for those who are already committed to each other for life. Realize that while sexuality is a gift from God and is highly enjoyable, it is not the fantasy cure-all that Hollywood has made it out to be. Take for example kissing. Most kisses are not the end-all-beat-all joy of your existence. No music will burst into symphony, no fireworks will explode (unless it's July 4th). But if you truly love your boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife, it is something to be treasured.

I've also found that though I yearn to know the full measure of sexual happiness, patience is better. Waiting for them to unfold in the proper place and time has been infinitely more rewarding than trying to figure out/fantasize about it early.

Did this help? I hope so.

Grace and Peace,
Ashley

Dear Miss A,

I wanted to ask you what, from the perspective of a girl, being in love is like and perhaps give us men advice on how to truly take care of a girl we're in a relationship with, since all too often take advice on love from Ferris Bueller's Day Off, Star Wars, Die Hard, and Cousin Fred who's 32 years old and still lives in his parent's basement.

Perhaps also pointers on how a Godly girl should be approached from a guy that wishes to take a relationship to the level of "courting" or "dating" or whatever you want to call it. Some married men refer to it as the "calm before the storm", so I guess you could call it that...

Thanks!
The Ever-Inquisitive PhD.

Dear Inquisitive,

Of all the questions I've been asked so far, I think yours by far takes the cake for most complex! But also most timely--I think most of the people reading this column are at a stage in life where if they aren't actively looking for a mate, they're at least thinking about it. Hopefully none of you need me to regurgitate the evils of getting your definition of love from Hollywood, but maybe rejecting a hollow, selfish shell of such a wonderful estate has left you bereft of a wholesome definition. If such is the case, I hope I can be of some aid.

What's it like to be a girl and in love? I can only write about my own experience, so take this disclaimer that not all women may experience such a thing like I do.

But first, a definition: love for me is not an emotion, though there are certainly many of those attached to it; love is an act of the will, a commitment, a self-less giving of your entire being to another without thought of gain. Scripture tells us God is love, and look at the infinite things He gave up on our behalf; this is the kind of love we are to duplicate in our earthly relationships, including marriage. Don't get me wrong, love has its perks; but I do not think you can truly love someone if all you can think about is the payoff. If you ask me, I think that's why most couples fail: they're way too focused on what THEY can get out of it rather than what they can give to the other. But that's another rant for another question.

So, love properly defined, being in love for me is having a stable, comfortable, secure safe haven to run to. The best part of being in love is the comfort I have knowing that at the start of every day, no matter what I do or say or what happens to me, my beloved will still stay by my side. Such a knowledge is so freeing! Before my current relationship, I was consumed with worrying about how to please my boyfriends best. How could I avoid talking about the "no-no" words like marriage, future, children, etc., and yet still find out some essential info from them regarding said issues? Was it okay to cry in front of them, and what would they think if I did? These and numerous other sorts of worries managed to creep in between the goozy-woozy sweet thoughts.

Love is also the joy and gratitude that comes in being able to share every single emotion, sin/failure, accomplishment, thought, idea, musing, or question that occurs to me. It's the freedom to be my entire self with someone who knows the deepest, darkest part of me and chooses to love me in spite of it. It's also spiritually exhilarating to have someone I can relate to, ask questions of, worship and pray with.

If I could convey one single truth to men though, it's this: love is intensely emotional to girls. They will not want to continue in the relationship unless you can truthfully convey that you do care about her emotions. Not just care about, but listen to, take into consideration, and validate. But you must be honest! Girls would rather have an unromantic oaf whose honest with them than a slick Romeo who doesn't mean a word.

Not only is love an emotional thing, it's a permanent thing. Unless you explicitly say so--and I don't know that I recommend you do so--if you're in a relationship with the girl chances are she is already thinking about your wedding, your kids, and her "new" last name. Even in junior high when I knew it was absolutely insane to imagine marrying the guys I crushed on, I still did it virtually every day. That's part of the reason it hurt so much when the relationship ended: mentally I had married them, and now I was mentally divorced.

As for what to do if you already have a girl, well, I think there's a few simple things every woman will appreciate (aside from not being forcefully kissed by the power converter or asking her to fake her grandmother's death):

- show her that you value her: Call her "just because", write her a sweet note, ask her how her day was...these things all communicate "I cherish you; you are the most valuable thing in my life." Most girls I've spoken with agree that they would much rather have a sincerely sweet post-it note than flowers thrown at them without any sentiment. Girls absolutely must feel respected and treasured, otherwise they will suspect your sincerity.

-respect her: maybe not in authority, but never ever objectify her. Your girlfriend is a person and deserves to feel like more than a walking sex toy. This has a number of implications, like listening to her and letting her "have her way" once in a while. Remember, sacrifice is an extremely important part of love. Another huge aspect is physicality: if you don't force yourself on her in ANY way (not just the big one) it says that you respect her feelings and her purity.

really listen to her: when she talks, don't just "uh-huh" your way through it. Really take the time and energy to listen to her, and dialog.

-let her be involved: this is a tricky line to walk. You don't want to "ask" your girlfriend to do your laundry and expect her to be grateful for it! But if there are things in your life that you could let her in on, like projects or papers or sports or days with your friends, I would suggest you at least ask her to be involved. Chances are, she will jump for joy at the opportunity to be part of your life, because deep down, I think most of us suspect that our boyfriends really don't think about us unless they're in "boyfriend" mode. Letting your girl hang around your friends or help with your science project may communicate to her that you WANT her in your life. For me, when my boyfriend asks me to help him by reading over a paper or research a project, it's a chance to serve him. Or if he invites me to go out with him and his friends, it communicates his affection for me in a way even the most passionate kiss could never do.

-worship with her: for Christian couples, this is something I highly recommend. Read your bibles together, pray together, keep each other accountable, etc. I think nothing will grow you as a couple like spending time in spiritual exercises together.

Now, if you do NOT have said female in your life, how do you go about getting one? That's also pretty complicated: different girls will be drawn to different methods. I think the one that works best though is trying to become her friend first. And REALLY becoming her friend, not just that "let's be friends" and then start kissing her junk--that's just confusing. If you can spend time with her without communicating your burning desire to make with the face-smashing, I think not only will it teach you to treat her as a real person, but it will also communicate to her that you see her as such.

When it comes time to make the move, first off PRAY! It will save you and your girl a lot of pain and heartache if you will seek the Lord's blessing and timing first. Then I would suggest you be gentle and honest. Don't try to flatter her, don't try to be all uber-romantic (she might think it's cheesy); just tell her how you feel. Maybe a "how would you feel about seeing each other as more than friends? I see a lot of great things in you and I would like to begin cultivating a deeper relationship with you." Also, try not to take it TOO personally if she rejects you, though I know that staying friends is incredibly hard in these situations.

As for what to do after that, well, that depends on the couple and where they are in life. Personally it's not something I would even think about doing until at least college; looking back, I have been so incredibly grateful that the Lord sheltered me and my very vulnerable self from the intense emotional roller-coaster dating is in high school. By the time I did start dating, I was at a stage in life where dating really did mean what I had always wanted it to mean (seeking out a husband) and was much, much better for it.

I think the best advice I can give though bears repeating: love is a sacrificial act of the will; without sacrifice on your end, it can never be all that God intended it to be.

There's been a lot to cover in this question and I doubt I have done so in a fully satisfying way to everyone involved. However I do appreciate the opportunity to answer such a profoundly important question, and do hope it was of some use.

Grace and peace,
Ashley

Dear Ashley,

Is it wrong to use manga and anime as a escape from the real world? because I get picked on alot and when I read and watch anime it helps me see that I am not so weird because most of the caracters in the anime that i read and watch have major problems and i also like geting a way from the real world and putting myself in the story.
Thank you for being a godly voice in this world.

Lambsbmal

Dear Lambsmal,

What a great question! I'm sure it is one many others are also struggling with, so it's a joy to be able to help out so many people with just one question

First of all, may I encourage you to not worry about being made fun of? Otakus have become more mainstream lately, but I think I speak for everyone when I say that we are still not completely accepted in society. For whatever reason, even I myself have trouble admitting I'm an anime fan in the "real world." So I know it's hard, but don't let the crowd tell you what's "cool" to be into or not at the moment. Take joy in your hobby and know that God may use it to further His kingdom if you will let Him. =3

Now, on to your question: escapism has been married to entertainment as long as anyone can remember. I mean really, do you think the guys in Homer's day were able to lift stones three times their weight or pierce an opponent's heel with a single arrow from several miles away? (Read the Iliad if you have no clue what I'm talking about here) Of course not. The whole idea of movies really took off in the 1930s in America when everyone's lives were so stressful and drab that they really wanted a way to forget the Great Depression and remember what it was like to be happy again. So really, this is hardly a new problem.

I think some degree of escapism is good--it can be a cathartic, soothing way to relieve tension and anxiety. It can also make us take a breather and step back from our lives, allowing us the clarity of mind to approach our problems with better insight. Besides, God fashioned us as creative, intelligent beings and I think He enjoys seeing us engage our imaginations.

But a word of caution, my friend: be careful about how much you're trying to escape from life. What a tragedy it would be to see your life at the end and realize you didn't do half of the wonderful things God wanted you to accomplish because you were too scared of the real world. Yes, life is difficult and painful sometimes...but it can also bring joys that the fantasy world can never recreate.

I would ask yourself why you wish to escape from the world, and really think on the answer you give. If it's to avoid confrontation or tough decisions, pray and ask God to give you the wisdom and the strength to get through them...after all, God has promised to give such insight abundantly to all who ask (James 1:5)

But if your goal is a little less serious...if it's just to take a break from school or "the daily grind" as my parents call it, then I think you're okay. Just remember all good things are better in moderation.

I hope this helps! Keep the questions coming, folks!

Grace and peace,
Ashley

Two questions today, hurray!

Dear Ashley,

This summer is going to be very stressful for me. I graduate in May, my mother is getting re-married, my sister is possibly getting married, I am going on a mission trip, I have to find a job, I need to choose my college/possible majors, and I still want to have my life and sanity. But along with all this stress I have another problem that may seem insignificant to others, but really just tips the scales for me.

Since my mother is remarrying I have to move in with my father and pack things away, including our dogs. We have 3 girl puppy dogs that we must find homes for. I really want to keep them, but my dad doesn't have room for them. I would love to find someone who could take them for a few years until I get my own family and home. What should I do to help resolve this issue and not lose my "mans best friend"? And what is a good way to handle all this stress?

Sincerely,
Stressed and Sad

Dear Stressed,

My goodness, you DO have a lot going on! I remember that time in my life quite well, and take comfort in knowing it won't last forever.

In regard to the marriages, I can't quite be of help to you there since I've never been in either of those situations, but I can say this: be of good cheer. Relax! Don't let the brides in your life stress you out too much. Remember, they're under a LOT of stress too, and they probably don't realize how stressed they're making your life. Think of it as an opportunity to be a loving, patient, gentle servant of Christ for them.

As for jobs, colleges, and majors I have this to say and I wish someone had told me such when I was where you are now: follow God's lead. Over and over again, Scripture tells us God knows our needs and promises to provide for them--read passages like Phil. 4:19, Eph. 1, Matt. 10:39, Luke 11:13, and Jas. 1:5 when you need encouragement. God has a plan for you, a job for you, a college for you and a career for you! Even if you have to go to more than one school like I have or change your major 7 times, it's okay! God still cares for you; let Him who can see your future guide you where He thinks best.

That's really awesome you're going on a mission trip, by the way! Be prepared to have your whole world rocked in an incredible way. I hope God honors this endeavor.

Now, on to the real question, ne? Well, as for the puppies, the only practical thing I can tell you is to maybe take out an ad in your paper, ask some folks at your church, or call a nearby shelter. Of course, praying about all this would be a very excellent way to start--I believe God loves hearing from us no matter what it concerns, and delights in us when we ask for help. Those puppies are His creation too, and I'm sure He will tell you what He thinks is best concerning them. Learn to trust in Him instead of worrying, and I promise your life will be much, much better for it!

I hope this summer goes well for you and you can find things to look forward to. College is a blast!

Grace and peace,
Ashley

Dear Ashley,

When I watched Fullmetal Alchemist, I found myself identifying with Scar quite a bit. Do you think it's wrong to identify with a villain?

Sincerely,
FMA Fan

Dear Fan,

Well, I confess a deep, dark secret: I have never seen Full Metal Alchemist. Obviously that will skew my answer since I don't know anything about this villain.

However, I think a general principle can apply here: the best villains are those we can relate to. Let's face it, humans are never wholly good or wholly evil. We're an unfortunate blend of both, with the capacity to use our talents and our abilities to become saints or devils. I think that's what makes a good show even better, when you can really sympathize with the villain. Maybe you wouldn't resort to his methods, but you can certainly understand where he's coming from.

I would say let this be a reminder also of our own sinful state. Romans tells us over and over how sinful, depraved, and without hope man is on his own. Isaiah tells us even our righteousness is filthy before God. All of us have sinned, all of us deserve hell. All of us are just as bad as Scar, Hitler, or any other villain out there.

But that's what makes grace so good! In spite of our filth, grace is God's gift so that we can stand before Him as He intended us to, and have the fellowship with Him He desires for us.

Is it wrong to sympathize with a villain? No, just don't go around imitating him!

Grace and peace,
Ashley

Dear Ashley,

I have a question concerning a friend of mine. I believe I may have misled him. He keeps implying that he thinks our friendship is more than a friendship. I am not ready to date and he doesn’t share my values. So this is not an option for us at least not at this time. I’m trying to guard my heart like the bible says and guard his also, but I do really care about him and I don’t want to hurt his feelings. What should I do?

Sincerely
Accidental heart breaker

Dear Heart breaker,

Wow! I think this one takes the cake for hardest question so far. I will endeavor to help you, though, so no fear!

Let me preface this by saying I am not a relational expert by any means. But, you have come to me seeking (I hope) godly council and advice, and I will try my best to help.

First, I would advise you to pray, pray, pray. Then pray some more. Prayer can never hurt, and God can help soften his heart to hear what you have to say.

I think you just have to be honest. You need to sit down, as awkward as it would be, and tell him the vibe you're getting and that you need to clear it up. Tell him the reasons too; especially stress that it's not because you don't feel this way (necessarily) but because you aren't mentally, spiritually, or emotionally ready to date. If he is a mature young man, he should understand this. If not, he's probably not mature enough to be dating you anyway!

I know this'll be tough, and there is a chance your friendship won't be the same. But you know what? It's worth it. Wouldn't you rather have your friend back without the weird vibes? I guess there's one thing I have learned about relationships (at least one-sided ones anyway): it's much better to bring it up early rather than letting the person on the other end (and believe me, that's been me my fair share of times and then some) build up a lot of hopes and dreams. That just makes it more painful. Think bandaids: swift and only a little painful, rather than festering and more painful.

I do hope this helps. Thank you for coming to me!

Grace and peace,
Ashley

Dear Ashley,

I had a question regarding a subject that has been bothering me for awhile now....

Do you think it's wrong to play horror games? i have one called "silent hill 4" and it has stuff like ghosts, and deformed nurse monsters, and really creepy area's, such as giant heads, and really scary sound effects randomly appearing out of nowhere, some people say i shouldn't play games like this, what do you think i should do?

(This isn't technically the end of the letter, but for the sake of easier answering I'm going to split it up. ^^)

This is an interesting question; probably one of the hardest anyone's ever asked me. On the one hand, I'm a big advocate of letting people make decisions concerning their entertainment based on their personal relationship with the Lord. In other words, Christians have the Holy Spirit just like I do.

But on the other hand, I have a very deep distrust for the horror genre. The few previews I've seen for scary movies/games (I never play them or watch them) have really mentally messed me up. I can't see any positive reason for wanting to play them, and I think it gives Satan an opportunity to desensitize you and opens up some very dark places mentally.

I guess the question is, why do you want to play them? Do you realize that it's practically celebrating the destruction of humans, the masterpiece of God's creation? Is there something else you could play that would satisfy the same urges for suspense or shooting things? If you can, I think that would be the better alternative.

I would encourage you to question yourself deeply about this, and ask the Lord for His help and guidance. After all, you're not seeking to do just what other people tell you to do, right? You want to obey your Savior first and foremost.

i had one question as well, i'm also into two game series that might be considered offensive. one is the zelda series, and the other is the elder scrolls.

Both are quite fun, but here is where the problem is: both mention different Gods and such, and it's kinda always bothered me, what do you think i should do?

Sincerely,
Questioning Gamer

I think this is very similar to the Fruits Basket question I answered yesterday.

The only problem I would have with playing games with false gods would be if you started to take it seriously. The way I see it, the world of your video game is complete and total fantasy--and I'm sure you know that. It stops when you turn off the game system, and has a finite end to it when you complete the game. It was all constructed by mankind.

Having said that, I think it's okay to have fantasy "gods" in control of a fantasy world. The problem, I think, would be when you take it so seriously that you turn off the game and start praying to the goddess Farore to help you on your math test. As long as you can leave the fantasy and all its false deities behind, I think you're okay.

In fact, you could even use this as a way to learn more about the TRUE God. When you hear things about these fantasy gods, ask yourself "is that true about the real God?" or maybe you can pray briefly, "God, I'm so glad you aren't really like that." I believe the Lord delights in our work and our play, and longs to be involved in our life.

Thanks for your really good, thought provoking questions!

Grace & Peace,
Ashley

Dear Ashley,

Is it bad to like a manga/anime that uses profanity and other things such as reincarnation? Because I like this manga called "Fruits Basket" and I am not sure if I should stop Reading it because of the profanity and such. My parents hate all anime and manga so it is kinda pointless to ask them, because I know they would say that I shouldn't. That is why I want a oppinion of a fellow manga/anime fan. I would greatly appreciate if someone would give me their input either way.
Thanks,
Furuba Fan

Dear Fan,

First off, I love Fruits Basket! It's one of my favorite series.

As for the reincarnation and profanity, well, there is a bit of a tension here. On the one hand, we ARE to guard our hearts and be careful of what we listen to and read. But on the other hand, we do live in a fallen world, and retreating to a Christian bubble where nothing bad ever happens will not make us an effective witness to Christ in such a world. In fact, I believe it would be counterproductive to do so.

Am I condoning profanity, violence, nudity? Absolutely not. What I am saying, however, is that we should not condemn anything and everything that has such things in it for that sake alone. We need to factor it in and evaluate it as a part of a larger work.

As for the reincarnation aspect, I've actually found it to be very helpful in getting a grasp on other worldviews/religions than mine. How can I hope to be an effective witness for the Lord if I only know Christianity? I believe it is very important to study other religions and seek to understand not just what they believe but why. What does it say about a person who believes in reincarnation, or enlightenment? How can we ever hope to convince them of the truth of Christ if we don't understand where they are intellectually and spiritually?

My world religions professor once put it like this:
In Singapore, a street preacher simply quoting John 3:16 would have very little if any success. Why? Because he doesn't understand his audience. A Buddhist hearing it would think, "God loved? Love is attachment. This god clearly isn't as enlightened as the Buddha who overcame all attachments to the world. He died on a cross? He must have had really, really bad karma. And eternal life? Life is suffering! Why would I want eternal life? That's worse than hell!"

You get the idea. The point is that we can never hope to understand those who most desperately need to hear of Christ without taking the time to study it. I think that manga and anime are a great way of discovering such principles because they seem more real than what's given to you in a textbook.

Besides, there are a lot of truly great things--even, I could argue, Christian things--about Fruits Basket. Tohru has the biggest, most unconditional definition of love I've ever encountered in literature. The whole series is about the transforming power of her love and the chains of bondage it breaks. I think in this instance, this powerful theme of love and redemption outweigh the negatives.

I hope this helps. Please feel free to ask anything else you may want to know! I'll be praying for you and your parents; I know that's not a fun situation to endure.

Grace and Peace,
Ashley

Dear Ashley,
As a Christian Anime watcher and manga reader how do you figure out what is appropriate for you to watch (or read), and what isn't? Is there a webpage you go to? (Besides the reviews at the CAA anyway.)

Thanks so much!
Masked Manga Marauder

Dear Marauder,

Excellent question! I believe as Christians we have a unique responsibility to guard what we allow ourselves to watch, read, and listen to. As otaku, this can be especially challenging.

First, though, I'd like to say that I do not intend to advocate phari-"see-me"-ism, or a sense of moral obligation and legality so tight it strangles your spiritual lifeor entertainment.

So how does one aptly balance the obligations of the Christian to "let the words of [our] mouth[s] and the meditation[s] of [our] heart[s] be acceptable" (Ps. 19:14) and still watch more than Tiny Snow Fairy Sugar? I believe the key is trusting your own conscious and inviting the Holy Spirit to guide you.

Here's what I do: let's say there's a show I'd like to see. I start by praying about it, and asking the Holy Spirit to continue to guide my entertainment choices. I confess to Him that I want to walk in obedience and want my anime/manga choices to reflect that. Then I start gathering information; CAA of course is my primary choice, but also Anime News Network (www.animenewsnetwork.com), and The Anime Cafe (http://www.abcb.com/) has a great section for "parents." That's the section I read, even though I'm not a parent. The best thing I've found to do is to find out as much as I can about the potential offensive things in the series, even if they mean spoilers.

As for my standards (and believe me, they are just that: mine! I do not want to be misconstrued as advocating them for everyone), I can handle nudity (I am a girl, and most of it is nothing worse than what I'd see in the shower), cursing, a little violence and some "bad religion." That last one is pretty tricky, but my rule of thumb is to ask myself, are they glorifying this, or are they using it as a part of the evil of the villain? I also have to be careful to separate what is part of a Buddhist/Shinto culture and what is witchcraft. Finally, I look at the overall percentages of these aspects to the show. Is the show mostly spa scene and shoot-'em-up gang raid, or is it an occasional scene to endure? The closer it is to the latter end of that spectrum, the better I feel about it.

The other thing I do is ask my friends if they've seen it and what they thought about it. I am lucky enough to have many friends who are not only awesome Christians but great otaku, too, so they know what to warn me about.

In the eight years I've been an anime fan, these standards have rarely if ever disappointed me. In fact, to close, let me tell you a little story about Ashley and Fushigi Yuugi. I first broke into anime right around the time this was reaching its peak in America. It sounded interesting, but something about it just didn't sit right with me. I wasn't sure if it was the priestess thing or what, but it just didn't feel right. Last year I finally got around to reading it. Boy was I glad I waited! I could handle it as an adult, but it would have been a completely different story as a young teenager who knew nothing about Shinto and how it influenced the story, or the gross lies about sexuality that series purported.

I know that was long-winded, but I felt I had a lot to say on the subject. Thanks for writing!

Grace and Peace,
Ashley

Dear Ashley,

What do you feel is a better policy as a Christian anime fan: is it better to publicize our hobby so we can get into discussions with others, or is it better to keep it on the down low so we aren't associated with the general anime fandom? I know you are going to a Christian college, so how do you deal with the situation when you friends/colleges/professors find out you are an anime fan?

Regards,
Agent Animefan

Dear Agent,

Wow, what a great question! I know it's one a lot of us Christian otaku face, and certainly something I myself struggle with constantly.

If there's one thing I hate about anime, it's the reputation that comes with it. You know the one: the geeky, awkward, robotics-obsessed pervert who lacks bodily hygenie and social skills equally. In fact, most of my friends are shocked to find I'm an inner geek/anime fan.

I guess the answer to your question lies in your motivation. Are you seeking to glorify the Lord and use your hobby to build relationships to encourage your fellow believers and to win the loss? Then yes, it's far better to be honest about our oft-misunderstood hobby and endure the social pressure. If you're just hoping to make friends who like you only for the things they approve of, then sure, why not hide it?

School House Rock was right: knowledge is power. The only way we're going to battle that negative stereotype is by being living examples of the antithesis. We're a special breed, us Christian otaku, with a special calling: on the one side, we're convinced that our hobby is not satanic, pornographic, or useless. We're sure that it can be used not only for our own God-ordained pleasure, but for the evangelistic pursuit of the lost and dying. But on the other side, we have an opportunity to show an often jaded, bitter, unchurched subculture that being a Christian does not mean fitting into a puritanical cookie-cutter.

You know, I'm not wholly unconvinced that Jesus himself would go to an anime con. Sure, He'd disapprove of a lot of the filth in anime, and He'd be ashamed at some of the things even we His children find pleasure in. But I think He'd be there, listening and laughing with people, confronting them with their sin and showing them His boundless love regardless of their piercings or their makeup. I'm convinced of this because Jesus did that sort of stuff all the time by reaching out to the dregs, outcasts, and unpopular people in His day. I believe with my whole heart we're called to do the same.

Now to your second question, "I know you are going to a Christian college, so how do you deal with the situation when you friends/colleges/professors find out you are an anime fan?" Honestly, most of them don't know. Even when I lived on campus, I spent most of my social life away from my Tanemura-plastered walls, and it never really came up. I go to a very small college, so it's very easy to be the only anime-geek on campus. But if they ask, if they happen to see my strange "bunny hooker" (poor Meroko!) posters, then I tell them. I treat it just like any other hobby, TV series, movie, whatever. Most of them already know I'm pretty Japanese-infatuated because I'm open about my desire to serve there.

I guess my policy is don't lie, but don't bring it up. But if I came across someone on campus with a Totoro pin on their briefcase or a Watase sticker on their Bible, then I'd approach them, strike up a conversation with them, and tell them about CAA.

Thanks for your question! It was a lot of fun to answer. I hope more come soon!

Grace & Peace,
Ashley

Dear Ashley,

Who is the most reliable mod? (besides you)

Sincerely,
Moderately Curious

Dear Moderate,

That's hard to say; actually, I'm not even sure I'd put myself as the most reliable! Sometimes school gets pretty overwhelming and I'm not able to log in as frequently as I can.

I think that's true for all the staffers; we all have lives outside of CAA. In fact, we're all volunteers, and let's face it, CAA isn't exactly the kind of thing you can put on your resume. For the most part, everyone knows this and treats us well. I really love the "we love you mods!" thread every time it's reincarnated and it really reassures me that the work I've done hasn't been in vain.

How do you even define "reliable"? Is it always being on, or longest time served, or most trusted? There are too many variables, I think, to narrow it down. Plus, why would I want to choose? All my staffers are wonderful people I've been privileged to meet.

Dear Ashley,
Why would you what to give advice to the guys on CAA?
Sincerely,
Advice-seeker

Dear Advice,

Fair question (and nota bene: questions from guys AND girls are welcome!), and an intelligent one, too. If you were to have plastic surgery, you'd want to see the doctor's credentials. Why, then, wouldn't you want to find out about someone who may be giving you very important advice?

Well, I'm not a counselor, though I have seen heartache. I am undergoing theological training, but it's not to be a professional psychologist or anything. I guess I want to do this because I care about all those screen-names and avatars out there. I know that on the other end of that keyboard is a real person with thoughts, emotions, dreams, and hurts.

CAA is so big, I can't possibly get to know everyone personally like I used to be able to. I can't greet each newbie by name or spend as much time as I'd like to on the forums floor. But I guess this is something I can do. I love to read, I love to write, I love listening and I love praying. I love the feeling that I may have really made a difference in someone's life; that they could be better off because of something I did. Is it arrogant? Perhaps. Who am I to think I'm so special I could make a life-changing difference in someone? Nobody, and I know that. But I know, too, that God has allowed me to come in contact with thousands of people through CAA who trust me and (most of whom) respect me. I guess I just feel this is something I could do to help tend to the sheep God's given me.

Keep the questions coming! I've decided to update as much as I can, turning "once a week" into "at least once a week."

Grace and Peace,
Ashley

Hey guys! Glad to have you here!

I'm really excited about this endeavor; writing a column is something I've wanted to do for several years now. I took a lot of writing classes in high school, and I wanted to be a journalist way back in the day.

So yeah! Get those PMs going! There ARE some questions I won't answer, but you'll have to try and ask them first! I'm going to try to update this at least once a week (maybe Wednesdays, but don't mark your calendars just yet).

Peace out!

Oh! If you want to friend this journal, just PM me and let me know that, too.